Our Obsessions Cause Us More Lonliness

Understanding our personal obsessions is an important aspect of overcoming our personal inability for acceptance. Sometimes, when I am in a dark place, I obsess over things that I can’t control. One second I am pacing around the kitchen looking for the spatula and the next I am overworking my body thinking it is going to make me a better dancer. Today when I was in dance class, I had a real epiphany. I had gotten to dance an hour early and started working on my stretches and crunches. I then did a pro-cheerleader dance class and then stayed for another contemporary class. In the middle of stretching for my contemporary class, something came over me and I felt myself becoming light-headed. “What is going on,” I thought to myself. I calmly and diligently started listening to what my body was telling me.

“I am tired,” I heard my body say. “You’re overworking me and you need to let me cool down,” it repeated back to me.

I typically have a tendency to want to be the best. To want to strive, work and exacerbate myself in order to feel more entitled to my personal ability to showcase my talents. However, I started listening to my body. I stopped doing crunches, and I just laid on the floor to catch my breath. Did I feel shame? Did I feel inadequate? Possibly. However, my body was thankful. I could feel the life-force energy coming back into the tips of my fingers, and I knew that I was doing the right thing.

I feel like there are so many times in our lives when we forget to listen to our bodies and do the right thing. 

Sometimes, my ego disallows me from doing the right thing and I can even be hurtful to others. For a long time, I never quite grasped the concept of hurting others. I think it was because I was living my life from a locus of control that ensured my personal safety and disregarded the personal safety of others. I think that is because, for a long time, I felt that other people were not safe. However, I tend to have an obsessive nature. I tend to obsess about the things that I cannot control a lot and it causes me a great deal of anxiety, worry, and self-destructive behavior. But now I have the ability to stop myself. I have the ability to trust others and see that they might be hurting more. And when I am able to sense their personal pain, hurt and agitation – it allows me to accept them for who they are. Every relationship is essentially a two-way street. No matter what people tell you. If someone is doing something mean to you, then they’re hurting – no, ifs, and’s or buts. It is the truth: hurt people, hurt people. And that is why understanding why hurt people lash out is the first step to staying safe. And what I mean by safe is understanding their words, thoughts and actions do not define who you are. Do not let the pain of another person imprint on you, and do not let the actions of someone who has hurt you allow yourself to feel less about your capability, integrity, and personal resiliency.

We have to accept the choices that people make. We cannot dwell on the past and smoother ourselves with unnecessary pain. Letting go and accepting a person’s choice is the greatest, most noble act of love there is.

Obsessive love is not real love. And your body will tell you. Your body tells you everytime you have anxiety or fear. You can feel it by the rate of your heart, the sweat in your palms or your newly disoriented perception of reality. Every time, we’re obsessing to gain something we have no control over, we’re losing control over ourselves. We’re acting in the opposite of love. We are reacting with fear.



IMG_1194-1.JPGIMG_1195.JPGIMG_1196.JPGpaige swanson


Why loving someone means setting them free


Learning what it means to love unconditionally will change your heart and set your soul on fire. However, it is not an easy feat. I still go into situations projecting my wants and desires on individuals. Wanting them to be something for me that I am not currently serving in myself. It is hard to completely and utterly accept a person for who they are. Especially, when the heart wants what it wants. Falling in love with a man who doesn’t love you back can be one of the most hurtful, painful experiences someone can go through. Getting your heart broken by an ex-lover and watching them move on faster than you can crush your soul. However, that is why learning to love unconditionally is so crucial in living a peaceful life. Mostly, because those desires to cling and attach to individuals aren’t real. That is – in fact- a mask we place on who we truly are. That mask is our ego. Our ego constantly desires to control people and situations because we’re afraid. We’re desperate and clingy because we don’t see that loving is actually setting someone free. When someone doesn’t want to be with us, our ego acts out of fear and anger. However, the ego’s purpose is to make us continually self-destruct without knowing that we’re doing it. So, we say that nasty comment, we obsess, cling and push the ones that we love away. Until, they can no longer love us. I am a victim to this self-destruction. It is my poison. I honestly wish everyday I was better at letting go. At cutting ties and letting people be where they want to be. I think the greatest challenge is leaving the past and living in the now. They’re no longer a part of your life and that is alright because you can love them just the same. Here in your heart. That is all that matters. No, matter how much it hurts.

So, what do we do with our fear, our anger, that clouds the love that is inside us?

We relinquish our pain.

We give it up.

We let go.

We move forward.

Only then will our pain be transformed from an attack on another person to love.

and we contemplate on what it truly means to love by understanding what it truly means to unconditionally LOVE

“Love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” 

“I fell in love with him not because he silenced all my fears or made me fell so safe; I fell in love with him because he awoke a sleeping lioness within me- a wild woman who knows only passion and freedom and laughs away her fears.” 

“If it’s not making you better, it isn’t love. True love makes you more of who you are, not less.” 

“Find a partner who encourages you to grow, who won’t cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back.” 

“If you really love the person you will give him or her absolute freedom– that’s a gift of love and when there is freedom love responds tremendously. When you give freedom to somebody you have given the greatest gift, and love comes rushing towards you.” 

“Love is never ownership.” 

“True love comes from someone who challenges you, stands behind you when you need them, is always there in the background in case you fall, and lets you roam free, giving you the space you need to grow as a person.” 

“The most perfect relationship is the one that supports you in fulfilling your destiny- the one that empowers you to be everything you are meant to be in this world and beyond.”