Sometimes Love Stays

Have you ever loved someone so much that “moving on” seems impossible? I am not speaking about the mere concept of accepting that the relationship has ended and your life is significant and full without that person. I am talking about an inability to imagine your life with anyone else. I don’t think up until this point in my life, I have experienced heartbreak that has left me more interested in dating myself than anyone else. Somedays, I’ll make a conscious decision to try and date someone else. I’ll go to single meetups, I’ll download apps and I even “put myself out there.” However, no matter how hard I try to take dating seriously – I can’t. At this point in my life, regardless of whether or not the person I love is coming back – I can’t emotionally, spiritually or physically see myself with anyone else. I don’t know how to explain it. And I remember dating people who felt this way about people from their past and feeling angry with them. How could they do this to me? And I guess I now understand how they feel. And it isn’t like it makes your reality any less enjoyable. In fact, all other areas in your life seem to get better. You focus on yourself. You eat healthier, make friends, rediscover all of your passions, you focus on your career. And even if you haven’t found love, you use your past experiences to love yourself that much more. I think I am realizing that no matter how many times you tell yourself to get over someone, getting over someone you truly loved takes time. It takes a lot of time. And I guess, I never loved someone enough to actually feel this way. I know in time, I am going to meet someone and it is going to be amazing. And I have no doubt that I am going to get married and do the whole shebang. It isn’t that I am rushing to any kind of finish line, and I am not particularly desperate to meet someone. I really just want to meet someone who will take me into the mountains to go climb a 14er – ya know what I mean? That would be really cool.

But I guess, practicing patience and self-compassion for yourself when your heart isn’t aligning with what you know you need to accept is a really good first step to truly moving on. Sometimes, I think God puts experiences in our lives that we need to walk through. I think God doesn’t always give you the immediate satisfaction of swiping right or left to meet the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with – and for that, I am truly grateful. But until I meet that person, my love stays.


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