Raise Your Vibration – Why Kindness Matters

I hate to think about the world in terms of hippy maxims or quantifiers like “you’re killing my vibe, man” or “whoa dude where did that energy come from.” But lately, I have really been thinking long and hard about a relative truth hippies get right.
What is a Vibration?
Your vibration is essentially your thoughts.

What do I mean by this?

In the recent studies by positive psychologists, they find that thought patterns predict whether or not an individual feels happiness. This is not only a phenomenon brought on by positive psychologists but behavioral and cognitive psychologists as well. In cognitive psychology, we learn that our thoughts essentially dictate and control our behavior. When we think low vibrating or low unconscious thoughts, we reactively act those thoughts out in our day-to-day life.

Let me give you an example of this: 

  • Have you ever been so stressed at work that you feel like the world is crumbling down around you?
  • Have you ever had an inter-personal conflict with your wife, daughter or other family members where you feel like a victim?
  • Have you ever unconsciously lashed out at an individual, pointed fingers or blamed them?

And if you checked yes to all of these questions, don’t feel bad that is completely natural and normal. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. In fact, I have recently been in situations where I was doing all of these at the same time. Trust me, it wasn’t good for my mental health. And as a psychologist-in-training, I knew something needed to change. If you’re having an inter-personal conflict with someone who is abusive, the best thing you can do is to remove yourself from the situation and work on making yourself happy.

However, in order to understand this happiness, you need to RAISE YOUR VIBRATION! 

What I am saying here is don’t get stuck in a victim mentally just because you have felt victimized. Even though you can’t always love people up close, that doesn’t mean you should stop your thoughts and start thinking negatively. The more we think negatively about people in our lives, the more we blame and hate and point fingers – the less happy we are.

Have you ever felt what it feels like to love? It is the most magnificent, wonderful feeling in the world. And we can still choose love every time. When we are stuck in our negative thought loops, we start discounting all of the beauty and life there is in the world. We also start turning that hatred towards others inward on ourselves. When we can’t blame other people for the negativity, we blame ourselves and we keep perpetuating the cycle of hate and doom.

But we can choose to be happy. We can choose to express, feel and always have unconditional positive disregard for everyone we meet. We can appreciate all individuals are beautiful, lovely beings of light who have their own struggles and their own life experiences that make them who they are.

Remembering, that you are not a victim and that you have enough self-love to remove yourself from toxic situations is no one’s fault. The only thing you can control is yourself and what you experience in every moment. You cannot change other people, you cannot make other people happy and you cannot blame yourself if other people don’t understand your situation.
But you can choose kindness, happiness, and love in every moment.

  • Do you have an ex you still hate?
  • Do you have a frenemy who you think toxic, mean thoughts about?

I encourage you to sit down and send them love today. Whoever you hate, send them love at every moment and you feel the shift in your happiness. You will feel the stress dissipate and the negativity evaporate.

Cleaning Out Our Closets

Sometimes, when someone asks us to clean out our closets, we look them straight in the eyes, slam the door and run in the other direction. Cleaning out our closets can be a scary, horrifying feeling. When someone is able to awaken us from the slumber we’ve been in, unconsciously walking through life, without any clue of how scattered our thoughts, feelings and emotions have become we just might as well be dead. It is kind of like the little saying, “you can’t teach a dog new tricks.” Why should anyone change when they’re perfectly fine reveling in their own filth? Cleaning out our closets is a feeling that can make us gasp for breath and hold on quickly to what we truly want: solitude.

Solitude is the one thing in this world that can protect us from the dangers outside of ourselves. But I feel like I should rephrase this sentence because it is a little negative. When I wrote it, I was probably going through one of my “oh so common artistic sagas,” and dramatically pinned the essence of my feelings into a proverbial punch line.

But I think what I am speaking about here, is a very relevant fear of intimacy. And don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that I don’t crave, desire or want intimacy. It is that I am just afraid of losing myself. I mean think about it this way, relationships are work. I can barely be in the car with my mother for more than 45 minutes without going back into negative distortions, thought loops and an overwhelming sense of irritation.

How am I supposed to be anywhere close to relationship material?

I don’t want to sacrifice the last chance I’ll ever get to be in love with me. I want to date me. I want to wake up every Saturday morning with me in my arms and maybe my goats. BTW if you start seeing goat t-shirts being worn for quirky, hipster girls who think animals on t-shirts are cool – I started the love of goat trend.  But in all seriousness, I find nothing more enjoyable than my own presence and I’ll give you a list of reasons why:

  • I don’t have to shave anything
  • I can leave paint on my body and only strangers look at me funny
  • When I am alone I prefer to skip like a child who hasn’t taken her medication
  • I like dancing naked
  • I don’t have to cook for anyone else
  • My mind isn’t constantly fixated on another person
  • I have time to think, assess and reassess my emotions
  • I can financially and emotionally support myself

And the list goes on and on… but it isn’t that I am not lonely. I get lonely all the time. Especially, when Bob from the corner bakery thinks it is more fun to try and sleep with me than be my friend or companion. But that’s okay. We all want love at the end of the day and we all fear rejection. I know that I fear rejection more than the plague its self. That’s really where I think my ego comes into play and something I really struggle with. I have a fear of losing and admitting I am somehow weak.

So, the question is…

How do we find a balance between fulfilling our needs for intimacy and companionship emotionally while maintaining our desire for independence? I think nature, meditation, passion, and art fill me, but I still desire and crave connection with people who think like me.

 

 

Expectations

Wandering in the snow, lost in time
It’s a foolish, desperate crime
I want all that is not mine
I want them
In the darkness, there is a song
sung only to those who really need a blow
my limbs are trees
beckoning
where my skin unravels
in the middle of the woods
So follow me in the darkness
to the place where there is no savior
and I will breathe this air
oh, no
oh, no
oh, no
There are places all our friends go
They hide their pride
and I beckon you
slowly, twisted like paper
There are places no one else will go
so follow me into the woods
and I knew the blackness was whole
you’re apart of me
you’re into me
and I fly soaring over trees
my eyes drift in the leaves
like Christmas eve reversed to Halloween
life in the middle of the road
traversing home

Understanding Personal Perceptions and Judgements a Model Towards Unity

Have you ever lived your life with the recognition that being special or worthy will somehow make things better? We have thoughts of grandeur or likeability that can be healthy but depending on the place they’re coming from they can also be toxic to our hearts and souls. Our ego is the voice within us that desires self-destruction and self-sabotage. It is the mind’s way of building dissociative walls that create identities that don’t really align with our common values. When we live our lives this way we’re essentially experiencing cognitive dissonance, this cognitive dissonance creates a wall of separation that disables us from authentically connecting with others.

When we’re living our lives through ego sometimes it can feel like we’re unconsciously walking through life. I know that when I am living in my ego it is usually when I am feeling the most tension and judgment towards others. Typically, my ego takes the shape of little thoughts about my environment and people within my environment.  These thoughts perpetuate negativity within myself and the perception of negativity within others. When I am not living my life in present awareness and appreciation of myself, I tend to think about my life from a negative point of view. I experience what is called, “cognitive distortions,” and it can be as simple as the following:

“Wow, those shoes are really nice. I bet that she has a lot of family money and she didn’t actually have to work for that.”

When we look at these unconscious thoughts they seem harmless at first, right? However, without taking control and looking deeper at what they actually mean about our own self-esteem these thoughts can lead to a lot of damage in our personal lives.

The point is when we’re looking at others and judging them, we’re ultimately judging at ourselves. Because the truth is, I wanted those shoes, and I was judging myself for not being able to purchase the shoes for myself.  That is why practicing forgiveness is one of the most important steps in transforming your heart for good.

Cognitive distortions are some of the most prominent and realistic psychological manifestations we have. Negativity is real and not to sound like a complete and total hippy but our “vibes” are made of these distortions. So, we have a choice to choose between love and hate. We have a choice to stop judging others for the sake of loving ourselves. When we have the capability to drop our ego and realize every single person is the same ball of energy light and love we’re ultimately able to finally see ourselves for the truth.

Getting Rid of My Ego & Being Like a Tree

Getting rid of my ego is such a struggle because I have a deep innate desire to be special and be seen as someone special. Just like everyone, I want to be liked, loved and even adored but I recognize that the desire for those things are only reflections of deep insecurities I have about myself. By desiring to be special, seen and heard by other people – I am denying myself the opportunity to see myself and others for who they truly are. I have such an ingrained sense of wanting to feel superior. It honestly scares me sometimes… It is so scary, that when I catch myself deep within my ego, I pause, grab the nearest meditation or self-help book and take a deep look at what is happening.

The problem is the ego feeds off of fear. These fears are so deeply ingrained in our behavior since childhood that many times their tenacity seems permanent. These scares develop early on in childhood: Maybe, our fathers didn’t love us enough, we experienced trauma or our mothers abandoned us. The terrible pain we feel when this happens to us in childhood is so deep that it can crack us to our very core. Understanding our “cracks” or “wounds” is an important part of opening up our minds and bodies and experiencing the act of love. However, I know that I feel like this experience is a rollercoaster ride of mistake and acknowledgment of mistake and then mistake. I make so many mistakes, and I hurt people all the time because of my ego. My ego desires to hurt people because it feels like it is a protective mechanism designed to seek out and exploit others so it can feel good about its status or position in life.

However, I register when I am behaving this way. It is the hardest thing to admit to yourself, that you’re hurting other people in your life. And sometimes pain and hurt is an inevitable thing, but I think becoming aware of the ways we can behave that don’t hurt others is so important. Many times, I feel like when I am hurting another person it is because I unconsciously register that they might be hurting me. But that is the ego.

It is all the ego. It is what the ego wants. And I want to truly be like a tree that sits grounded and sturdy in nature desiring to only support the communities and eco-systems of those around it. My desire is to be like the tree and to love others the way the trees love others. Trees are the perfect metaphor for truth in this world. They’re sturdy, reliable, comforting and they feed and take care of themselves all while doing it. Being like the tree to me means not always having to be the prettiest or smartest, but to just be enough so that I can be shade for another person to rest their head under. Being like a tree to me means growing tall and allowing others to share in real authentic love and community. Being like a tree to me means always supporting someone even if they hurt me. Being like a tree to me means being resilient through floods and natural disasters that tear down communities and offering myself up in order to rebuild.